Do you sense there’s so much more you could be doing, but you don’t know what it is?
I’ve been there. I’ve experienced the dread that comes when your day begins and the work ahead no longer feels like it’s enough. And I bet you have too.
If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?
Is the work you’re doing now going to get you there?
That’s what worries me. Not that long ago, I had to admit the work I was doing wasn’t getting me any closer to the work I wanted to do. I was spending almost all of my waking hours on something I didn’t really care about. I was supposed to care about it. I had told people I cared about it. But when I was honest with myself, I really didn’t.
Maybe that’s why I once spent two full workdays crocheting an afghan to avoid it. When I was on a deadline. Okay, so I eventually got the work done, but it was nowhere near as good as I knew it could’ve been had I actually tried. But that was the thing — I didn’t want to.
And what feels worse than not wanting to try? Nothing.
I realized I had to find something I wanted to try for. Something I really cared about doing, even if I didn’t do it very well at first. It was kinda cool that I might not be good at it. I would get better eventually. Because I wanted to get better at it. Because the work really mattered.
I’m so glad I finally had that realization, because now I’m here doing work I love every day, working with you and other wonderful people like you. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was in the middle of a client call thinking, “I don’t want to be here.” (Something I used to think all the time.) Now when I’m with my clients, I rarely think about anything at all. I don’t have to think about it because I’m in it.
I’m really in the work. “A life of passion happens when an emotional nature meets a consuming vocation.”
Of course I have my shit days. Who doesn’t? I cried all morning before I was even able to write this. But I wasn’t crying because I was miserable about the work I had in front of me; I was crying because I was scared it wouldn’t reach you.
Because I’m emotionally invested. Because it matters that much to me.
More than anything else, I want you to feel the same way. I want you to know the feeling of being so completely invested in your work, believing undeniably in the positive impact it can have on the world, you sit crying at your computer in desperation that you can rise to the occasion and do it justice.
Desperation is a crazy feeling. But it sure beats apathy.
What are you desperate to do?
Reply below and tell me.
I love you, and I believe in you,
Whitney
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I’m desperate to be working in travel, editorial, and commercial photography, and leading people around the world teaching them to tell visual stories. I’m definitely not there right now.
Thank you so much for sharing, Chris. What is getting in the way of you doing that today?
Networking/connections. And fear of not being able to pay my bills.
What specifically is it about networking and connections that’s getting in the way?
Why do you believe you won’t be able to pay your bills?
Networking: I’m an introvert, have anxiety in new situations and large crowds, and find it hard to cold call or just walk up to strangers. I’m very good one on one, especially after a warm introduction.
Bills: I’m in debt, and just moved, and want to start a family, and would like to someday own a home. I’m getting in deep already, and I need a stream of income that I can rely on. I fear that if I move away from my current employment, I lose all that.
Chris, I so appreciate your willingness to share your concerns openly and vulnerably. I think that’s an incredible trait.
What might be ways to connect with new people outside of group settings? Especially the people who are either doing work similar to what you want to do, or who may be prospective employers or customers? Just brainstorm here.
I hear you on the money thing. I feel that pressure every day and I know most people do too. It’s not a black-and-white thing where you have to quit everything you’re doing now and start doing something new tomorrow. How might you continue to rely on your existing income streams while making strides towards making income in photography?
Hey Chris—I totally hear you. I will share something that worked for me, that completely changed the trajectory of my life. I started doing volunteer work. I volunteered in lots of different scenarios, and though I didn’t have aspirations like you do to work as a professional photographer, one of the volunteer jobs I had was doing photography for the state parks system. I imagine something like that would be a great opportunity for you to make connections and share your work, even if on a part-time basis. It’s a step in that direction. And actually, volunteer work was how I got into UX. Good luck to you!
Amy, that’s a great idea. I’ve wanted to get into volunteering for awhile, but never knew where to start. I used to volunteer for the National Park Service at Ellis Island, and that was fun. I’ll have to get into it here in Maine. Great point.
[pseudonym because ux/tech field is small, and it’s likely coworkers will come across this]
I’ve been thinking about this lately. The work I am doing today isn’t helping me move toward my goals, and it hasn’t for a while (at least a year). I’m afraid I’ve pigeonholed myself. I’m about to start yet another intense long-term traveling project, for something I don’t care about. I am *dreading* everything about it.
I’m desperate to do research-based ux work; it’s a big reason why I got into this field. I sorely miss connecting the larger parts of a design solution – what’s the local/regional/social impact, how do the people who actually use it react to it? I’ve tried to insert research with my current work as I can, and it’s been successful when I have, but opportunities are few and far between even so.
I know I need to move – I just have trouble seeing the path from my current designer-centered work to the career I wanted (ux/design research).
Em, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. No problem on the pseudonym, I totally get it. If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re a designer who wants to move into research. That’s exactly what I did in my own career before becoming a coach. It is possible! I get the sense that you can be very persuasive when you want to be, and you’ve experienced the benefits. But perhaps it feels like too much work to constantly have to convince people of the value of what you want to do? How mature is the UX practice at your current company? Might you be better off working at a company at a higher level of UX maturity where research would be a given on every project? Or is it that you feel drawn to doing research exclusively and want to move away from design?
Remember that change is gradual. What is holding you back from making one small change that will get you closer to where you want to be?
I think for myself, the problem is the lack of a really clearly articulated vision of what that ideal tomorrow is. And maybe a failure to accept that there might be smaller steps that are worth taking because they move me in the right direction, steps smaller than just leaping to the big time.
I think my website shows something about what I want to do and be. But I am not giving myself the permission (?) to take an alternate path to get there.
Jacque, thank you so much for your comment. YES! Lack of clarity and focus are certainly huge blockers to moving forward. And yes, slow and steady change is lasting change. It seems you already know this, but you say you aren’t “accepting” it and can’t seem to give yourself permission. What do you suspect is getting in the way of listening to your inner wisdom?
I also feel a bit stuck in the mud with no traction with my current job. I don’t think I get the appropriate treatment and appreciation, and I feel that they might also be fanancial inequality in my job. How would you go about articulating this problem with an MD? Great article, and Thx.