The most rewarding gift of my life as a coach is when clients become dear friends. Beautiful humans whom I count amongst my nearest and dearest—with whom I can be my most vulnerable, tell my whole truth, feel the most seen and known by, experience the most unconditional love with—have grown from relationships that began as coach and client. Relationships that developed over years of deep conversation, obstacles and overcoming, strife and growth, shifting narratives and identities, a continual unfolding of our truest selves.
I fundamentally don’t believe coaching is a neutral act; I love my clients fiercely and am deeply invested in their wellbeing and their becoming. And there’s inherent mutuality in that.
Two things of note: to be clear, I do not coach close friends (with whom I have previously only had a personal relationship and with whom our lives are intertwined—I consider that an ethical issue and always refer them to coaches I trust most). Yet when a coaching relationship evolves into a friendship, I do not find it to be an ethical issue to continue working together. If they have a need that’s beyond what I can offer, I refer them elsewhere. And for whatever reason, I don’t have an issue maintaining the appropriate boundaries within the container of our coaching work; I have the capacity to put my coaching hat on when I’m coaching (and keep it on—unless explicitly asked to give the friend response).
Relationships are dynamic and multifaceted. Romantic couples run companies together. Hell, exes run companies together! I believe it is possible to have a relationship in which both people play multiple different roles in one another’s lives. I’ve lived the opposite as well, becoming dear dear friends with people I’ve hired as my service providers (coaches, massage therapists, yoga teachers, personal trainers, physical therapists, doctors, accountant, attorney), and continue to work with them in a professional capacity long into “client-provider” becoming real friendship.
Not everyone wants friendship (on either side!) and it’s important to establish, respect, and maintain boundaries in each unique situation. Not getting to friendship with a client is by no means a failure, and there is no correlation with the benefit or depth of the work.
But in reflecting on what has naturally emerged through my own experience, I can confidently say these are some of the richest relationships of my life. (You know who you are.) I hold this as a far better measure of success and impact and meaning and purpose than any numbers could ever convey. And for that I am eternally grateful.
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