Because I Didn’t Smile

Originally published on Medium two years ago today on July 23, 2013

“You haven’t smiled even once today,” he growls at me.
“Yes I have.”
“No…you haven’t.”
And I sulk some more.

So what if I’ve been lost in thought today? I have a lot going on. There’s a lot on my mind. Why do I have to be cheery all the time?

I’m surrounded by palm trees, enveloped by ocean air and basking in sunlight. My surroundings are beautiful and serene. The food I’ve eaten is delicious and nutritious and I was so full I couldn’t finish it all.

But that client didn’t understand what I was trying to tell them! And my bank overcharged me! And there was a water bug in the kitchen this morning! I didn’t get enough sleep last night!

So my cheek bones feel heavy. I don’t want to show the world my teeth. My dimples will have no definition today.

My boyfriend will spend the day thinking I’m mad at him. The client won’t gain any greater understanding of the problem. My coworker won’t complete that task on his to-do list. The cashier will slump down even further because I didn’t look her in the eye.

And because I didn’t smile, I’ll put my head on the pillow tonight believing I had a bad day. I wouldn’t let it get better. Rather than exercise the small muscles in my face, I used the big muscles in my legs to continue down the dark path. I chose negativity over light.

Worst of all: no one showed me any compassion. No one seemed to notice. I sat at my desk all day and no one asked if they could help.

And I offered help to no one. I went out of my way to avoid them.

I stared at my phone as I rode up in the elevator with her. I pressed the Door Close button so he wouldn’t ride down with me. I didn’t reply to his urgent email. I didn’t thank her for getting me that file.

I didn’t see their faces. They didn’t see mine.

How many bad days did I create for others today?

Because I didn’t smile.

Originally published on Medium two years ago today on July 23, 2013

Related Posts:

• What the Mind Alone Can Never Know January 9, 2015 | 0 comments
• Is Empathy “Women’s Work”? March 7, 2013 | 8 comments
• Where Compassion is Born February 20, 2014 | 1 comments
• To Those Who Aim to Cause Pain April 15, 2013 | 9 comments
• User Experience, Emotional Intelligence and Mindfulness at SAP January 12, 2015 | 1 comments